busy summer & mommy maddness

we have been so busy!
ive been sewing alot, making bows, and flowers....
I got the pool all set up for the girls a couple weeks ago! they are enjoying it!

We had summer school for madelyn, it was 2 weeks RIGHT after macie was out prepping her for kindergarten. She had a hard time... i think it was WORSE as the days went on..=( but once i was GONE, she was FINE! =)
Macie is tired. she has had to go, go, go with us...
This week is our Vacation Bible School at church, mon-fri! im running the snack area!! it has seriously been a BLAST!  http://www.prosperityavenuebaptist.com/VacationBibleSchool check out the pics on our website!
malorie is grumpy at VBS, but it is because this is SMACK in middle on nap time! lol... life,,,=)


how is Annie? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... im here, alive and breathing. enjoying my little monkeys, watching them grow!

someone recently told me.. its been so nice getting to know you this last year!
 and that started me thinking...
 what HAS this last year been? chaos.
so much has happened the last year that has litterally changed my life. and in the midst of my pity party, there was one person holding my hand, reminding me.."you have 2 feet, God gave them to us for a reason! stand up! we got this!"
seriously, so much has happened, sickness, so much death, seeing people struggle, unable to save the world, things that i can't even talk about. and i don't want to talk about, because it is the last grasp of the truth about the situation i HAVE! but through those things, ive really learned & thought & changed.
 through all the drama, im gratefull.
thankfull for the changes in my life i was BRAVE enough to make, through the love and acceptance of friends and family.
you learn who your true and honest and GOOD friends are, when i started changing, and becoming who i really am inside, and looking at things going on day-to-day in my life, looking at desicions iv have made, past and present.  WHY i made certain choices THEN, and NOW? WHO i was making them for then and now? 
And when I reached the conclusion that... I have changed myself SO much in the last 11 years to be what everyone else wanted me to be, i was not me. i was this stepford wife exmple of what textbooks and OTHER people would expect. i would do and say what they expected me to say. react however they would EXPECT me to react.
ive been settling for automode in everything.
It is kind of mind blowing. seeing all the time i wasted.
It scares me to think my girls are seeing MY example. and i HOPE they look to GOD for the ultimate example, and just accept thier crazy-hillbilly-momma for me.
 there is one person, the only one to NOT judge me, the one person to NOT walk away. you know, even when i was a cutout of a wanna be orange county house wife, and tried being something else completly, she still loved me! i remember her telling me one time.."you know, if we were not related, we totally not be the type to hang out and be friends" and i was like! "ouch" but then i started thinking.... and that was a couple years ago.... she is always the one to be brutelly honest. but she is rad like that. she can tell me something so crazy, but because she gives god the glory of everything that pours out of her, you know if is a wierd/good/meaningfull place... lol...
she is that one person you know that this phrase..."i can't believe im telling you this, i havn't told ANYONE!" that phrase happens ALOT!  i have litterally told her all my secrets, and she helps me NOT feel ashamed of being human, she ALWAYS reminds me of what matters. and totally helps me disreguard the drama. shows me the truth of situations when i sit there, ears plugged, head shaking, going "la-la-la-la- im not listening!" when im done acting 5, and open my eyes, she has that smile.. like.."youll understand soon" when reality of LIFE sinks in, she is there.  she is an amazing mom, a freak for jesus!!! and she is just always teaching me. even if it is a random conversation, about pantaloons... she is always teaching me. about MYSELF, where we came from, what we have OVERCOME, what trials in life we have OWNED! yep, we went through that! awesome! were still here! teaching me about my kids, remindes me WHO i AM, and that its ok to live in my skin. and that i DO NOT need to appologize for existing. and that i am NOT someone else. im ME. and to OWN it. not to be ashamed of who i am. we only live once. this is only chance in life we get. 


im thankfull im me again....



hope you are all having a nice summer!!!